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Dear Dr Gypsy( if you are not already the ghost of),you foolishly reckless,irresponsible git.Twas sure the bretherend of ye olde clifftop science had strived to teach thou more robust skills in the use of "whackers" and "stackers",to keep thy rectile muscle mass off that which be known as " the deck"!
 After deep scientific analyses( and a jolly good laugh with the chaps at the lab) we have deduced that we are almost out of brandy! No we have deduced that the problem was due to an "avoidable" weight imbalance caused by the loss of an unsecured box of ciggies.This was quite easily deduced by taking into account the motion box documentation supplied and the banners which appear everwhere stating that "smoking kills", twould appear one was most fortunate to escape with thy life old bean!
 We send a first aid package to help your recovery- 23 cases of brandy,1 case cigars(medicinal use only) 1 walking frame,1 new set Tartan Nickerbockers( surely the set you were wearing are no longer Tartan,mayby just Tan),11 wood hens,2 milking yaks,1 goat,4pounds olde english cheese,24 softest cloth nappies available,3 fat pigs,1 camel,3 dancing girls( only soho type left,west end type still in use for scientific analyses,sorry) 1 drill,1762 best quality ringbolts,100 pounds flour( mix with water to make very best quality adhesive!)
  The chaps all wish a speedy recovery,remember smoking kills,simple mistake made, must go much more scientific analyses to be made,more brandy,more west end girls!